Christmas, a commercial holiday encouraging you to spend money on useless junk whilst at the same time showcasing how Christian and European our country is. (It is also a time for helping and spending time with people, but let’s forget that.) So how can you not feel like a Scrooge (apart from the actually good things about Christmas)? Let out your inner Grinch and avoid Christmas with these helpful hints.
- Fake Your Own Death
If you want to avoid spending a few bucks this badly you must really need some help. To prevent having to actually include a real body (which would just be morbid and illegal), make it look like you are missing and probably dead by driving off to go hiking or skiing for a few days. You can then escape Canada and move to a remote USA farm where you will never need to send another gift again or hang out with annoying relatives.
- Pretend to Go on Vacation
A less extreme option would be to say you are traveling abroad, roll up the blinds and let the newspapers pileup. To make people feel guilty about the greed of the holiday season say you are going to help build schools in Africa. That should make them feel worst about all the food and gifts they will be getting (if they believe that you will volunteer like that).
- Become So Unpleasant That Everyone Avoids You
You could be rude, act like a sadist or switch out every gift for coal (including food, food is a gift). The options are endless, I’m sure you could think of something.
- Create a New Religion
Why not just make your own religion with your own holidays? If people still think that you should celebrate Christmas, just say that Christmas is against your new religion. Problem solved.
5. Just Ignore Christmas
Isolate yourself and refuse to celebrate or give anything. People may hate you, but do you really care? You don’t have to do anything if you are okay with the coincidences.
With this advice, you will be able to avoid Christmas (or whatever holiday you hate, it is 2017 after all). Have a happy time not celebrating the holidays!