Probability to be Succeeded by Applied Calculus
By: Dhan P.
Probability resigned from the Office of Universal Decisions (OUD) on Monday, after a series of unfortunate unlikely events unfolded over the course of the year. Calls for its resignation reached a climax on November 9th, as Donald Trump won the presidency. Brexit, Leicester City winning the Premier League, the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series, numerous untimely celebrity deaths, and the shutting down of Vine were all events that were unlikely, but were forced through due to “extraneous circumstances.”
Protests were widespread across the Universal Councils, and many were disappointed with the performance of Probability. “We were promised a nice, rational way of things happening, and we got this,” said one protester. The popularity rating of Probability fell steadily during the year, as what were seen as irrational and impossible events unfolded day after day. Unexpectedly, sports fans called for Probability to remain in the OUD, saying “With Probability at the helm, we’ve had a lot of exciting and unexpected events happen, which we’d like to see continue.”
Applied Calculus was quite happy about receiving the position, saying he was pleased with his new assignment. The decision was applauded universally by the administration, and was received quite well by the public. “Finally, some predictability,” commented one happy citizen. Critics say that with Calc at the helm, the way that events will unfold will become too area based, however, supporters of the decision say that it will make events happen more logically.
The official transition will take place in the beginning of the coming year. Until then, decision making will be routed through Probability. In a statement to CBB News, Probability said that several other unexpected events may occur as the year winds to a close. Many were suspicious of the time needed for the transition, with some saying that it simply was a way for Probability to kill a few more famous people.