Tim Horton’s: Coming Soon

Bob M

Photo on 2016-10-25 at 8.10 AM #2.jpg

Are you tired of having to eat your own healthy food? Luckily you will not have to any longer as a Tim Horton’s is replacing the former Learning Commons.

As you may know from the posters, the Tim Horton’s is going to be replacing the library. All the books are to be recycled into coffee cups, something Kat McDougall calls “Magical”. The school fees are also expected to go down as the school is firing half the teachers to pay for the Tim Horton’s sign that will take up the entire front of the building. Kat thinks that is “magical” too. “The main doors are going to be blocked but that doesn’t matter as we will have to replace the main staircase with a freezer,” says Nick McDougall, head designer of the project.

The new Tim’s will be open for business in 2017, where it will sell donuts and cold coffee for the first few months. “We will have to bulk buy donuts and coffee from the nearby Tim Horton’s as they have refused to pay to put a kitchen in until we put the sign up,” said Nick. “After the sign is up we can just knock out a hallway or classroom to put a kitchen in,” Nick said as he chewed half-heartily on a vile looking muffin from A&W.

Everyone knows that the Tim’s will make the school better, yet not everything about the change will be positive. “I’m not talking about how if a student does not buy enough donuts they will… um, I need to leave,” Nick mumbled, getting more nervous. After Nick ran away, never to be seen again, I did my research and was shocked to find that the Tim Horton’s in the school would not be open to the public! “I was looking forward to a lockdown every day because of someone walking into a classroom,” said Kat, obliviously disappointed. “I will be running for Grade Rep next year,” Kat added, “If I am elected I will make sure that adults will be everywhere, who else has hundred dollar bills in their wallets?”

Most students are excited for the new Tim’s and the ones who aren’t only hate the change for stupid reasons. “We have a Tim Horton’s already,” whined Lisa Smith, who must have cheated to get in the school. Now that we can have old donuts in class Westmount will be the best place ever.

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