The Westmount Wire vs. The Westmount Eye

By: Griffin Naugler

The Westmount Wire, part of the very soul of our school, it has been around so long that I can’t even recall a time in my westmount life without it. But there is a new kid on the block, The Westmount Eye. They claim to just be creating a magazine but we all really know what is happening. Think about it this way, how long has it been since you went out of your way to get a newspaper, how about a magazine?

The Westmount Wire has made many numerous generous offers to allow them a page in our newspaper but the people at the Westmount Eye have turned us down, time and time again. Should we be worried? Should we fear them?

The subtle tension builds between the two media sources as each one attempts to spread their propaganda. With the Westmount Eye attempting to propagate everyone with their subtle attack ads against the original Westmount Wire, the kind yet unfortunately victimized people are beginning to worry.

An old friend once told me that just a single choice can show someone’s entire personality and character. The Westmount eyes’ choice of the illuminati symbol just reiterates their overwhelming desire for control. How can we trust their stories if we don’t know their personal agendas? How bias will their stories be if they only want control of the westmountians? Is the world run by lizard people who make up the new world order and control all of mankind from the pyramids? All of these questions are an immediate concern and I have come up with the only possible solution to end their tyrannical reign and save the world from lizard people; read the Westmount Wire! For the benefit of mankind you must read the Westmount Wire. I see only two possible futures for our world:

If you still choose not to read the Westmount Wire: Think 20 maybe even 30 years into your future; to a time where the world is under a tyrant’s reign. Your emotionally scarred children asking you why you chose the cruel “dark side” (star wars reference) over the peacefulness and kind heartedness of the “light side” (the Westmount Wire). As you lay there on the windowsill of an abandoned brick building just staring out onto the broken roads where chaos thrives and danger lurks around every corner. As you lay there at your weakest time I want you to think of this time, and I want you to know that you are the reason that this all happened. You are the reason that your children will need to attempt to reason with a more dominant species as your bloodline cowers in fear until its most timely end.

On the other (non-severed) hand (another star wars reference), if you choose to read the westmount wire instead of the one that shall not be named (Harry Potter reference): Picture yourself 70 maybe even 80 years in the future; you are a happy grandparent who has lived the most fulfilling life you can imagine. You have traveled the world, helped thousands in need, and most importantly you have read the westmount wire. As you lay back on the hammock on your front porch and sip lemonade, you spot a bicycle riding towards you on the dirt road that connects your acreage to the highway. Upon lowering your glass from your mouth and tasting the sweet liquid, you come to a realization that it is infact multiple bicycles and a loving family riding them. At this point you can think back to this very moment and be joyful and proud of your former self for making this elegant and well informed decision.

As clearly shown by the only two possibilities for our futures the only option that appears logical is the westmount wire. If it is not clear to you by now this has been a comedic propaganda piece that stretches the truth just a tiny bit. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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