Trouble in Islamistan

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Ben P.

On November 27 of this year, Islamistan rebels used violent means to communicate a message to their government. These rebels are a religious extremist group, often called the “Lebers”. The Lebers killed at least 400 people, two of which were western reporters, Bob Smith and Joe Jones.

Explanations for their violence has ranged from “YOLO”, to comments too indecent to mention in this article. Western youth have begun sending their sympathies to those involved in the situation, using the hashtags #RIP_Bob&Joe,#Dont_Kill_Westerners, and #KillingIsBad.

Multiple uneducated celebrities have also weighed in on the issue, and obviously their opinions should dictate yours. Among these celebrities is 22 year old model, actress, singer and dancer Sally Sanderson, who said “I think things like this is bad, and no offense, but it wood be better if we dident let it happen more.”

We asked random Westerners from the street what they believe should be done about the Lebers. One man said “It is our patriotic duty as Westerners to intervene, and ensure that all these atrocities stop, and anyone who doesn’t agree is a monster.”  The same man later said “I googled it, and now I think that if we send soldiers to Islamistan, it would be a suicide mission, and should not be done.” Another person shared their thoughts, stating “I’ve done some research on the topic, and a professional said that they think things like this is bad, and that it shouldn’t happen anymore.”

The Lebers have also launched a suicide attack on a building in the western capital; and yes, this does mean everyone of their religion is a terrorist. It is also predicted that this conflict will cause WWIIII. When asked about the attack, the western leader claimed it was the fault of the airline themselves, prompting airports all across the country to introduce new security measures. The man who designed these new measures explained “The new security measures are ineffective, expensive, and time consuming, but it makes the western citizens believe we’ve done something to fix the problem. Protecting the air travel business is a priority of mine.”  The attack is tragic, however there is a silver lining. The attack has inspired the storyline for a space themed movie: Star Wars episode IV.

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