The Hottest New Disease on the Market


Ben P.

On November 23rd, a new disease was discovered in the tropical land of Finland. The disease is called Alobe, and it is known to cause fever, running nose, stomach pain, and rash. It has now infected an estimated 11 people. Although this disease has only been seen in the remote tropics of the Finland, if you have these symptoms, this is definitely what you have, and you’re gonna die. This issue is also predicted to cause WWIII.

Screen Shot 2014-11-28 at 9.16.29 AM

When asked about the issue, Finnish doctor Jussi Maatanen explained:online- kääntäjiä imeä , ja sinulla ei ole Alobe taaksepäin, tyhmä .” Clearly, he agrees Alobe is a serious issue.

The death rate for Alobe is approximately 50%, however it has been as high as 90%. Many experts predict it will rise to 100%, because of science.


We went ot the streets to see what people had to say about Alobe. One farmer claimed “Damn Gov’ment done made that disease in that there lab!” Another person overheard, and added their own opinion. “Thinking that our Western government would create a disease like this is preposterous, this was clearly the work of those damned commies.”


Some people believe that Alobe may be caused by listening to heavy metal music. Finland has more heavy metal bands per 100,000 people than any other country in the world, and the tropics of Finland is the only place Alobe has ever been contracted. Dr. Fey Kename has said “It is technically possible there is a link between music and this disease, although it is overwhelmingly improbable. Heavy metal bands are likely trying to kill everyone on earth with this disease.Screen Shot 2014-11-28 at 9.16.52 AM


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