Wifi Underwear Gives Students A+ Grades

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You can’t say you don’t want this…

Aaron W.

“I hear my students talk about it every day” says Mark Knoll, former Olympian and teacher at Westmount Charter School. “They call it the W-wear, or more properly name Wifi-Underwear, a personal internet hotspot, that follows you wherever you go.” “If you wonder why its in your underwear, its because they are always on us. Or at least I hope so.” says Bjorn Foulston Rojas, inventor of W-wear. “At our young age, the world around us is greatly influenced by technology, to such an extent that some people can’t live for hours without it. That’s perfectly normal, since technology is so attractive and appealing to the human eye. But they do have problems, one of the biggest ones being that wi-fi or internet connections are necessary for technology to function properly. W-wear solves this problem, as its design is so comfortable and discreet, yet your wifi signal will always be full bars.”

“It’s ingenious, and it’s not even embarrassing because everybody’s like ‘Wow! Thats so cool!’ and such.” exclaims Obayd Shams, a grade 9 germaphobe. The pants are specifically designed with a comforting synthetic styrofoam bottom that also blocks sound, for that small “accident” that you might have. Most people question how they work? W-wear, which is concealed within the synthetic styrofoam is a microchip that becomes a wifi hotspot. The chip is located at the crotch region, because studies show that the wifi will always be three bars of more, making it the ideal region no matter where you are.

People question the health concerns of this product, but 9/10 scientists say not to worry, as the synthetic styrofoam can block all forms of radiations and wave lengths no matter where you are. “Its totally legit, trust me. I’m a scientist.”

Even teachers and parents are into the latest fashion, saying that it’s merely for educational purposes and can help children grow over time. “The internet can be a great resource for things such as search, studying and so forth. It obviously matters what websites they use and how they use them, but with the proper knowledge it’s definitely possible.” says Ms.Frank, our current principal.

   These undies are fairly cheap, since the technology is simple and inexpensive, and its encased it a cheap but comfortable material. In the end, it seems to be quite a promising product, but it all depends on you.

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